VERY MINOR SPOILERS TO FOLLOW, JUST SO YOU KNOW.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve become a complete holiday hypocrite in recent years. While I loath the fact that with each passing year, Christmas feels the need to stick its frosty little nose in sooner than it should, I love the fact that Halloween has grown from just a fun thing that people do the last week of October to an entire season that goes for at least two months. Well, we’re halfway into Month 1 and I’m in full on spook mode, even more than usual.

To celebrate that, I’m trying to watch something horror related almost every night from now till the big day. That may seem like overkill, but trust me, it will be here sooner than you know it, and I’m trying to ride this pumpkin scented high as long as I can.

Tonight’s selection was a REAL treat. I’m a big fan of expanded universe material. When it’s done well, I absolutely love it. There is nothing like being able to revisit your favorite film through someone else’s eyes, whether through a novel, a cartoon, a comic, or anything else. It kind of gives me the same thrill as watching a special feature on a DVD that I’ve never seen or discovering some long-lost stills or deleted footage. I love the idea that my favorite worlds and visions just don’t ever have to end.

Unfortunately, while sci-fi has done an excellent job in that area (Star Wars and Star Trek especially), the horror genre has fallen a bit short. In recent years, I’ve really gotten into buying novelizations of my favorite films, and you’ll find a few gems in terms of comics, but expanded universe horror novels in general are a little harder to find. They’re there and the hunt does make it fun, but it’s not like you just pop down to your local book store and find shelves of A Nightmare on Elm Street novels.

While I’m on the subject, I can’t stress how fantastic Epic Comics’s 20-issue Hellraiser run from the ’90’s was. Seriously, it’s the best expanded Hellraiser stuff out there and opens up the mythology like nothing else, completely blowing away the later films in that franchise. Boom! Studios is doing some great stuff with the property too at the moment, but that Epic run is where it’s at.

But, back to task. Search for expanded universe content long enough and you’ll eventually find yourself walking down the path of THE FAN FILM. Oh, lord. There certainly is no lack of content there, but it is a serious quantity over quality situation. Look, I’m a horror hound through and through, and I feel that with all the crap that the genre and its fans get, we need to support each other. I fully support the passion and enthusiasm that goes into some of these projects. But oh man, are there some stinkers out there.

So, it was a major relief tonight when I found out about The Confession of Fred Krueger. Written and directed by Nathan Thomas Milliner, an artist responsible for a lot of Scream Factory’s DVD and Blu-ray covers,  and clocking in at just over 30 minutes, the short peeks in on what went down after The Springwood Slasher got caught and is taken into custody for interrogation.

It’s an extremely clever little talking head piece that was clearly dreamed up by a real fan. Milliner just gets it, and does something that I love to see, which is fills in a lot of gaps and answers questions the fans have been asking for years. We’ve gotten glimpses of Krueger’s past throughout the A Nightmare on Elm Street series, most notably in Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare and the pilot episode of Freddy’s Nightmares, but even so, there have been gaps in the origin that I’ve always wanted to see tackled.

Some of these are addressed to fine satisfaction in The Confession of Fred Krueger. During the span of a 30 minute conversation, we get filled in on his childhood, his motivations, his first kill, and even the origin of the glove. The film is a passion project of MIlliner’s and is based on a short story by Jeffrey Cooper, who has penned the novelizations of the films (I have a feeling I’ll need to find some more room on my bookshelves soon).

But of course, none of this would matter of the production quality wasn’t up to snuff, and of course if the performance didn’t hold up. Luckily, that’s not a problem. Kevin Roach, while not exactly the spitting image of Robert Englund, channels him well, working in hints of his voice and mannerisms. I could honestly see and hear Englund saying those lines. I also like the subtlety of the makeup, both on his face and on the knuckles of the cop bringing him in, hinting that he’d already been “interrogated” before making it to the station.

I also picked up on a little something else. Listeners of my show know that I’m a student of Charles Manson and everything related to his case. He even makes a “cameo” on my show every week in the “Words of Wisdom from Uncle Charlie” segment. So, I was pleasantly surprised when Millisner did a little something. Starting at about the 21:57 mark in the film, Krueger answers the question, “Who are you?” with the following statement, taken directly from Manson himself, as seen in this clip:

So yeah, as soon as I heard that, it was kind of thrill. I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE, MILLISNER.

Final verdict: Check out The Confession of Fred Krueger. If you’re looking for a solid little origin piece that fills in some nice gaps and has Krueger straight up quoting Charlie Manson word-for-word (thus hitting me right in a few sweet spots), you can do a whole lot worse. With Wes Craven now no longer with is, I’m finding myself wanting to revisit his work. This is a fitting tribute. WELL DONE, FELLAS. Oh, and stick around for after the credits. There’s a nice little surprise there too.

P.S. In related news, Mondo has just announced a new line of horror themed sweaters that have got me 13 kinds of excited. FINALLY, I can own Freddy’s iconic red and green striped one without having to take an extra job to pay for it, not to mention the risk of some dodgy E-Bay purchase. They’ve also got some incredibly rad ones based on Friday the 13th and Halloween, plus a scarf!

Right, so I’m not going to bore you with all the details, but the last couple of months have been…well, “busy” isn’t even the word. Short version: I reapplied for university, got accepted, quit my job, moved 90 miles away, and started class. I’ve been absolutely swamped, but things are starting to calm down now.

Or are they?

As of this writing, it’s late night/early morning in the middle of September. The hot weather here aside, we seem to be in the last days of Summer. It’s hanging on with life support and has a few good breaths left in it, but it’s about to knock off. I can only speak for where I am, but in every store I’ve been to lately, the Back-to-School stuff has given way to plastic hockey masks, Satanic napkins, and slutty bee outfits. Plus, the best Halloween Countdown on the internet just started up, and that’s all the evidence I need that it’s time to get going with mine.

So, I’ve got some stuff lined up with guest appearances by some of my other favorite online personalities, spooks and kooks, and ghouls and goblins, and all that. Or, at the very least, I’m sure I’ll ramble on about another Sleepaway Camp movie or something.

I mentioned I moved, right? Part of that meant finally cleaning out a storage unit I’ve been renting for the last few years. It’s nice to no longer have to pay for that thing. It’s also nice to find SO MUCH COOL STUFF I forgot I owned. I swear, I’m not exaggerating when I say that I opened that thing for the first time in years and saw stuff I didn’t even recognize (I have a crock pot?). Also, 4 pizza cutters, 4 can openers, and 3 wine openers apparently, and I have no idea how when or how that happened.

And then there was this. When you move in a hurry, as I did several years ago, you get to a point where you start just throwing random crap in bags and boxes, sometimes with no rhyme or reason. Whatever gets that shit on the truck. What has been lying dormant in THIS BAG for the last several years is an assortment of dark wonders that I have absolutely no memory of tossing together, but I’m so glad I did.

So, let’s open this dusty old bag and see what’s inside, shall we? It’s time to UNPACK HALLOWEEN!

First up, a bottle of True Blood…blood. I know you might think I’m just making this up for effect, but I’m literally watching True Blood as I type this…for the first time. I don’t know how I’ve gone this long not having seen it, but it kind of came and went without me ever taking that plunge. So, a good friend of mine decided to help me out with that, and a few weeks ago, we started watching it from the first episode whenever I’d drop by. But I’m also watching it a little on my own. I’m in the middle of Season 1, Episode 8 and due to some weird cosmic convergence, as I type these very words, Sookeh’s dumb brother just walked in with a six-pack of this stuff and is feeding it to a wounded vampire. IT WAS MEANT TO BE!

Freddy and Jason heads! I’ve got a confession. I think these came from one of my really cool blogger friends when they sent me a care package, but I’m really not sure. It’s been a long time and a lot of things in this bag exist in an orange and black haze of presents, after-Halloween shopping sprees, and leftovers from childhood. These fit in there somewhere, but who the hell knows where? If you’re reading this and you do, please let me know and accept my apologies if I’m not giving you proper credit.

Oh, and they’ve got cool, gory necks.

Halloween Candles! There isn’t much left of the actual candles here, because after being stuck in an incredibly hot storage unit for years, they melted, oozed out, and fused together. But, there is a little left in each one, and that’s good enough for me. My place is stinking of Halloween right this second.

It’s a Little Rubber Bat! And that’s that.

Eek Box! I got this many years ago from my friend Tammy. It’s hanging in my bathroom right now, and will continue to come November 1st.

Goth Box! You should know by now how I spend my Saturday nights. When I first discovered Cleopatra Records and their early Goth compilations, it kind of sent me down a path that I never came back from, but it’s paid off well. One of the earliest ones was the Goth Box box set, which turned me on to a lot of bands that I went on to love. This is the video compilation that acts as a companion piece to the CD box set, only with totally different songs. It’s odd that it’s in this bag though, because I’m kind of anal about organization. I don’t know what would have prompted me to pack this separate from all my other VHS tapes and DVD’s.

Torture Tools Garland! Now this one’s not a mystery. It’s garland made of bloody cleavers and machetes and things. This was sent to me in a care package by my super rad friend Amy years ago, but I never got round to opening it. But, now that it’s the season for demonic decoration and I have a new place to decorate, it’s going to make an appearance.

Freddy and Jason Shot Glasses! This was the result of an after-Halloween sale, which everyone knows is the best place and time to stock up. I don’t think there is another horror franchise out there that has produced better merchandise in terms of quantity and quality than A Nightmare on Elm Street, and I’m kind of a sucker for all of it, even if Freddy looks a little like Grandpa Sawyer here.

Screamers! I love these guys! You’ve seen a million of these things before. The eyes light up and they make the same horror screaming sound that just about every other screaming toy that hits the shelves around mid-September makes. By the way, do you how long it took to get this shot? Do you know how hard it is to time the squeezing of these things just right so that all the eyes are lit up at the same second, still giving you time to actually take the picture? Well, it was a really long damn time. I hope you’re happy.

Skull Cups! I uh, don’t know what to say about these ones. It’s a cup and shot glasses that look like skulls. That’s all I got.

Let’s finish strong! Blow-up Skeleton! Why strong? Because, nostalgia. I’ve had this guy since I was a little kid. Somewhere, there are pictures of him inflated and sitting on the living room couch round about 1985. If memory serves me correctly, it may have a tiny pinhole leak in it now though. I think I had some trouble with it when I tried to blow it up a few years ago. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

Thanks for looking at a bunch of poorly composed pictures of Halloween themed crap that I hastily threw into a bag 5 or 6 years ago and forgot about. I feel we’re off and running now.

As mentioned in every installment in this series so far, I’m going into each film as blind as possible, intentionally staying away from so much as a plot synopsis or even a mention of the cast. That might have been a mistake on this one.

As you no doubt have noticed already, this review’s a little on the skimpy side. That’s because if you know anything about Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor, very little of the movie itself actually survived. A little research tells us that Double Helix, the film’s production company, went bankrupt during the filming in 1992, leaving behind only 35 minutes of actual footage. Part of this was shoehorned into what essentially amounts to about 100 minutes of clips from the past three installments, all edited together to tell the story of Angela’s murderous rampage over three separate summers.

The rampage in question is a story we know all too well, as I’ve spent some time getting to know it. So imagine my disappointment when after paying $2.00 to rent the dang thing on Amazon, I was treated to about 10 minutes of actual original footage and about 100 of clips of Angela’s Greatest Hits.

I’ll give you the synopsis of the “plot” of this one, which you can see a little bit of in the screen shot above, taken from the beginning of the movie. Allison Kramer, a survivor of the original Sleepaway Camp, has gone off the deep end and is now under psychiatric care. She claims to have no memories of the events of that summer, so she is advised to go back to the location of the original murders for an afternoon to see if it triggers any long repressed trauma.

Apparently, this means sitting in a bikini and staring off into the distance while providing short bits of voice over to set up the next montage of clips. This shot and a brief scene at the end of actual original footage is all we see of Allison. I’m going to go ahead and spoil the intricate plot for you, so far warning…

It ends with a hunter getting killed by Allison after she poses in another bikini with a big shiny knife. THE END!

Apparently, there actually is a Sleepaway Camp Survival Kit DVD box set that contains more original footage, but it’s long out of print and sought after by fans. I’m not going to go out of my way to hunt it down. The only other interesting tidbit is that there is a theory that Allison is actually Angela in disguise. If you’re like me and you just mumbled “WTF?” to yourself after reading that, my opinion is if she can go from looking like Felissa Rose in one film to Pamela Springsteen in the next, I guess it’s not that hard to believe. That would at least explain why she’s sitting around sunbathing and reminiscing about events from two other films that had absolutely nothing to do with her.

I guess In keeping with the tradition of all slasher series from the ’80’s, they can’t all be winners. Looking at you A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 5.

So, were there any pros in this big old mess of cons? YES, believe it or not! The soundtrack, what little of it there is, was actually pretty good! I actually enjoy all the cheesy hair rock of every film in this series so far, and I mean that without a single shred of humor or irony. Before this thing took the shit road it did, I was digging the first few minutes based on the opening track alone, composed by John Altyn. He also provides two other tracks for this one that also appear on the soundtracks for Parts 2 and 3 – “Sleep Away” and “Outta Control”.

That’s all I got. Come back for Return to Sleepaway Camp, the last in the series. Let’s finish strong! Hey, it can’t get any worse.

“I’ve never chopped wood before, but I’ve chopped other things.”

Alright, confession time. I totally bailed on my original idea with what I was going to do with this review. I mentioned in the last post that I was going to get the newly released Blu-ray and review the commentary and all that, but there was a mishap with a gift card and it would have taken forever for the whole thing to ship, and yadda-yadda-yadda… In the middle of trying to get this done, I’m also applying to return to my old university. I haven’t been there in over 10 years, and I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to return to a school you haven’t been to in over a decade, but I’m pretty sure I’d have less hassle and red tape trying to become to become an FBI profiler.

Let’s watch some SLEEPAWAY CAMP III: TEENAGE WASTELAND! (Spoilers to follow — You’ve been warned!)

Hey, guess what…

And played once again by Pamela Springsteen, who totally made the role her own in Part 2. I’m really growing to love her. As I’ve mentioned a couple of times, until I started this project of reviewing the ENTIRE SLEEPAWAY CAMP SERIES, I’d only ever seen the first two films, and even those only once. So, I’m intentionally going into this as blind and new as possible. Until I hit play on the Netflix machine (still not as gratifying as popping in a VHS tape), I knew nothing about this installment other than it was…well, the third one. And that’s it. I didn’t even know that Springsteen reprised her role, so it was a pleasant surprise to see her show up again.

And how!

We open to a scene of our first victim, Maria Nicastro, making her way to the bus that’s going to take her to be slaughtered camp, only to be suddenly chased and ran down by a garbage truck. You-know-who is driving, gets out, compacts the victim with the rest of the trash, and takes her identity. The likeness is strong enough.

This time around Angela is sporting a new haircut and punkish outfit. I’m adding this to my growing list of “Halloweeen costumes I’d like to try if I was a girl”, right up there with Wednesday Addams and Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous (Ok, I’m probably not tall enough to pull off Patsy. Saffy, maybe, but who wants to be her?).

After going all Duel on Victim #1, she hops on the bus, and is off to the woods for more good times. Borrowing once again from the Friday the 13th series, we’re off again to Camp Rolling Hills, which is the same camp of Angela’s last killing spree, now renamed Camp New Horizons.

The premise now is that the new name comes with a new management team of married couple Herman and Lily, who are desperate to downplay the unpleasantness from last time. They’re trying out an experimental program wherein they’re throwing together campers from two different sides of the tracks. Rich kids verses street kids. All the typical stereotypes are represented. You’ve got your crazy gutter punk, your Latino gang member, your angry black guy, your slut, and a bunch of white, vanilla one percenters. Well, mostly vanilla, but we’ll get to that later.

Angela (posing as Maria) wastes no time at all dispatching the next victim, a reporter who hits her up for some cocaine. You know, because it’s 1989, and she is Bruce Springsteen’s sister after all. I’m not advocating drug use or suggesting that Bruce himself would be involved with it in any way, but when your potential pusher is the only connection you’ll ever have to The Boss himself, you make some hard life decisions. The man wrote “Dancing in the Dark” for God’s sake.

So, faster than you can say Courtney Cox, the reporter’s dead (poisoned with some bad blow) and Angela continues to demonstrate her near supernatural ability to make bodies disappear, leaving behind no witnesses or evidence, in near defiance of logic or physics.

In keeping with the tradition of the last review, I’m going to just go ahead now and skip to some of MY FAVORITE THINGS, in no particular order.

ACID WASH
It’s 1989!

BOBBY STARK
See that guy on the left? He’s one of the rich kids and is a total cornfed, aw-shucks goober. He also looks like a 35 year old high school student. It’s like Ian Ziering round about the 3rd season of 90210. But old Bobby isn’t quite as innocent as he seems. We’ll learn more later when we get to…

Aw hell, let’s just get to it now. While Bobby and Angela are out a the dock later, tied together at the ankle and wrist in some dodgy bonding/trust exercise, he straight up gets all Secretary and confesses he’s sweet on her and likes being tied up. Turns out, he’s really into that kind of thing. He then tries to put the moves on her, which results in him only getting slapped. Oh, and getting tied to a tree and having his arms ripped off later. You can’t win for losing.

FRIDAY THE 13TH REFERENCE
In one scene, Angela is having a conversation with one of the other campers and mentions that the date happens to be Saturday the 14th, a reference to the fact that the series has heavily borrowed from the F13 series all along.

FLASHBACK
In one of my favorite scenes in the series so far, Angela revisits the cabin from Part 2 where she sang the infamous “I’m a Happy Camper” song.

Only this time around, it’s extended. Instead of things ending there, she goes on to give a little speech about how much she’s loved, complete with all the campers in the room applauding and cheering her. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get my hands on the Blu-ray for this review, but I’d still like to because I’d like to see if there is mention in the commentary as to whether this extra footage was shot at the time of the second film and just left out, or shot specifically for this one.

THE SEAN’S DAD TWIST
One of the volunteers at the camp is a cop, Officer Barney. He breaks up fights and generally does other cop things, but it turns out, he’s also the father of Sean, the guy who Angela decapitated at the end of Part 2! Of course, he figures out who Angela is, confronts her, and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how well that works out for him.

Ok, TIME FOR SOME FAVORITE KILLS! (also in no particular order at all)

CINDY UP THE FLAGPOLE
Cindy, who has spent most of her time at the camp throwing around racial slurs, gets run the flagpole and then dropped, resulting in this exchange:

Cindy: “Why are you doing this to me!?”
Angela: “Because you’re a cheerleader, a fornicator, a drug taker, a nasty, snotty bigot, and besides that…you’re real nice.”

HERMAN AND SWEET PEA WITH A STICK
Herman, played by famous character actor Michael J. Pollard, who you know from just about everything, gets it on with the camp slut, Jan (aka Sweet Pea) in one of the tents. Angela finds them and bashes their heads in with a large branch that apparently comes equipped with the least convincing “bashing heads in” sound ever effect built in. I’m going to guess they didn’t throw too much money into the foley department on this one.

PETER AND SNOWBOY
Coming upon Peter and Snowboy laying near their tent, Angela takes out Peter with the old firecracker up the nose gag, then bashes Snowboy’s head in with presumably the same branch from the last one. “Batter up!”

She then drags their bodies into another tent also containing the bodies of Herman and Sweet Pea, douses it with gasoline, and sets it ablaze with a flare. I’d like to point out that it doesn’t just catch fire, the thing absolutely explodes. As a nice touch, she even takes the time out to roast some marshmallows. We are at summer camp after all.

LILY WITH THE LAWNMOWER
Angela buries Lily up to her neck while singing the “I’m a Happy Camper” song, then runs over her head with a lawnmower!

Ok, I think I’ve done enough here. Here’s your Joe Bob Briggs Count. This thing’s got:

1 firecracker up the nose
6 breasts
2 n-words
1 ridiculous climactic death trap (which I didn’t even cover)
A whole lot of funny one-liners

Also, one last note about Pamela Springsteen. She only appeared in one other film after this, and then left Hollywood to pursue a successful career as a professional photographer in the film and music industry. Ironically, one of things she contributed to was a documentary called The Making of the Crying Game.

Just think about that for a second. The irony will come to you.

That’s it, folks! Come back for the next installment where we review Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor. Ooh, I wonder who survived!

“I don’t like being the Wicked Witch of the West, but I know what happens when things get out of control.”

Angela speaks these words immediately after a good old fashioned panty raid, something that well, you just don’t see any more in cinema. Or in life, really. Panty raids, much like so many other things going on in Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers, are incredibly dated, but it doesn’t matter. This thing knows exactly what it is and what it set out to be. And I love every bit of it.

I’ve had a devil of a time trying to finish this post. I’ve been working on it on and off for over a week, but real life has gotten in the way. I’ve also struggled to find an angle for how to tackle this one. One thing I knew I wasn’t going to do was ramble on for 37 paragraphs about how I spent my childhood in my grandma’s laundromat. So, I’ve decided to kind of go a different way. I’m just going to give a very cursory plot synopsis and run down some of my favorite bits as they jumped out at me in no particular order at all. There are so many kills in this thing that I’ll have to skim over some of them, but the ones I will cover… hoo-boy, were they fun!

So grab a guitar and some bug spray. It’s time for the second part in my new series for the summer where I review the entire Sleepaway Camp series: SLEEPAWAY CAMP II: UNHAPPY CAMPERS!

After the events of the first film, Angela went off and got herself a lot of therapy, had a proper sex change, and now she’s back as a counselor in a new camp. We’ve all been there. But the important thing is she moved on, got back on that horse, and I’m sure she’s fine now.

She’s now playing the role of the morality police to it’s farthest extreme. She gleefully hacks her way through the camp, taking just enough time give a mini-sermon about how the victim has cheapened themselves or should have been a good girl or stayed away from the dope. She’s like a young Pamela Voorhees, only without the revenge trip.

This time around, Angela is played by Pamela Springsteen (sister of Bruce), and while she doesn’t look exactly like Felissa Rose, I love her portrayal. While Felissa had a quiet, deadly shyness, Pamela is just full on bonkers. One of my favorite scenes is when she tests out various potential murder weapons while an unwitting victim is carrying on a conversation with her from across the room. After testing out the give of a clothes hanger and the bluntness of a hairbrush, she finally settles on a guitar string for strangulation. She does this with the casualness and wonder of a child finding just the right crayon.

After the first kill, we’re quickly introduced to this film’s crop of eventual victims. All the stereotypes are on display – the slut, the virgin (read: Final Girl), a pair if stoner sisters (aka The Shit Sisters), a guy called Sean who I’m calling “Not Ashton Kutcher”…

It also doesn’t take long before we get our first dose of T&A from Susan Marie Snyder (aka Mare). I’m pretty sure she spends more time in the movie topless than fully clothed, not that anyone is complaining.

Let’s cut to the chase. Rather than bore you with my take on the entire plot summary, I’m going to go a different way. Instead, I’m just going to highlight some of my favorite parts.

MULLETS! It’s 1988!

PANTY RAID! I mentioned this earlier, but what ever happened to panty raids? They were all the rage in the era of Porky’s, but as soon as the 1980’s ended, we as a nation collectively forgot about them.

Now, we get to the best part. THE KILLS. I’ll split these into two categories: SLASHER TRIBUTES and EVERYTHING ELSE.

We’ll start with Slasher Tributes. You get a hint to this on the cover art up top. At one point, Angela picks off a couple of unwitting victims incorporating some very familiar tools.

A Freddy glove! Two campers are hanging out in the woods dressed up to…honestly, I don’t know why they’re dressed up like this. One kid’s in a fedora and “burn makeup” and the other in a hockey mask and machete. “Freddy” gets it first after Angela steals his glove and slits his throat.

Next up, we knock out two tributes at once. Leatherface v Jason! Angela takes out the “Jason” kid with her own chainsaw and Leatherface-esque mask, that she just happens to be carrying around with her at camp. I mean, I don’t personally remember doing that at camp, but the one I went to was a church camp, so they were a little more strict about things.

It’s hard to get a good panty raid going at church camp.

Let’s run down some of my other favorite kills. EVERYTHING ELSE:

The Shote Sisters BBQ! (aka Shit Sisters). After finding the sisters out in woods, high and passed out, Angela decides to punish them for their transgressions, an MO she demonstrates repeatedly throughout the film. One sister awakens to find the other charred to a crisp and immediately gets the same treatment.

After raids both panty and jock, Mare flashes her taters a whole bunch more times, which leads to one of the most memorable kills in the series thus far:

Death by porta potty! It’s the worst swirly ever, complete with leeches. Even that kid at the beginning of Shindler’s List thought this was a bit much.

A few more kills take place and things lead up to a climax taken straight out of Friday the 13th Part 2. Angela’s got a shack out in the woods where she’s been keeping all the bodies.

Molly (aka Final Girl) and Not Ashton Kutcher end up there, some shit goes down, Not Ashton Kutcher gets decapitated, and his head ends up in a TV.

We then get a face off between Molly and Angela wherein Molly falls down and bangs her head on some rocks, presumably dead. Angela gets away, hitches a ride with some daffy woman in a car, kills that woman (shocker), and then takes off in the car. Molly gets up, makes her way to a road, flogs down a car, and you-know-who is driving. “Howdy, partner!” THE END!

I loved it. I know I breezed through and may have spoiled a few things, but it’s still worth a watch if you’ve never seen it. It’s got T&A, inventive kills, mullets, stoners, a panty raid, slasher references, a batshit crazy killer, and a lot of fun.

Next up, I tackle Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland. I’m buying the newly released Blu-ray for this one and may also cover the commentary and features. Before starting this project, I’d only ever seen the first two films, so from here on out, we’re going into all virgin territory. Come back and join me! This is a special time in our young lives and we’ll experience it together.

Oh, one more thing. You’ll notice a new link at the bottom of the home page for the site. It’s simply called, “THE SLEEPAWAY CAMP SERIES”. That’s a handy place you can go to find links to all these reviews. I’ll keep it updated as we go along.

DISCLAIMER: Spoilers regarding plot and well, you know. And if you don’t know, go watch the damn movie before you read this. Seriously. You don’t want to hear it from me first.

Starting at about the age of 7 or so, I was a latchkey kid. I spent a lot of time alone after school, waiting on my mother to come home from work. She was a single parent and couldn’t always find a babysitter, but it was ok, because we lived within walking distance of the school, and I had a couple of aunts who lived in the neighborhood who would check in on me. As an only child who spent a lot of time alone, I had a lot of free time on my hands. Most of it was spent thinking about and drawing monsters.

But I had to leave the house sometime, and my mother was also wise enough to realize that there was nothing more mind-numbingly boring to your average little boy than to go shoe shopping with this mom. So when it was time to run errands, she would sometimes arrange to drop me off at a laundromat, where my grandmother happened to be the manager.

Mom would get her shopping done and I’d get quality time with Grandma. There was a Ms. Pac-Man machine there, and sometimes she’d let me go round to all the dryers and clean out the lint filters. If I found any spare change, it was mine. For a while there, I got really good at Ms Pac-Man.

The laundromat was in the same shopping center as a Pic-A-Flick, which was, at one time, one of the biggest video store rental chains in this area. This particular Pic-A-Flick was pretty massive and when I wasn’t foraging for quarters, I was sneaking over there and scoping out the extensive horror section. Always the horror section. Fast forward years later, and I would go on to work there while in high school.

For you kids who never had the pleasure of basing your movie watching choices solely on the artwork of a VHS box, I cannot begin to express the depth of my pity for you. It’s incredibly tempting as I type these words just past the witching hour on a Tuesday night, to take a different path here. A path where I spend paragraphs avowing my love for the VHS experience and what it’s meant to me over the years, but I’m going to hold back. That’s another post.

Down the rows of boxes, I scanned titles like Hellraiser, Phantasm, Halloween, and Puppet Master. A lot of slashers, demons, and knives caught my attention. I would spend hours meticulously examining the artwork and screen grabs, looking for any clue as to what would lay inside. And of course, there were always the descriptions.

I was always a little more transfixed by the series. I dreamed of jumping into them, marathoning them either in an afternoon, or intentionally spacing them out over the course of a week in order to build anticipation for the next installment. The good thing about being that age in the mid ’80’s is that so many of the best horror series had already hit their stride and were waiting for me to jump in and get their claws into me. For a budding horror fanatic, it was a golden age of gore.

One box I would always return to was Sleepaway Camp. I was a few years away from my own summer camp experience, although I’d heard stories from my friends about what it was like. I knew that the series wasn’t the only one that explored the notion of a camp killer. A few rows back, all those boxes with the hockey masks on the covers got there first, but this one stood out in a few ways. First of all, check out that cover!

The bloody knife! The frightened letter home! Not a single still from the actual movie. I just knew that some seriously scary shit was going down at camp.

By the way, despite having been raised in a very religious family, there were no restrictions on what I watched. I can’t explain it, but I got away with murder when it came to my video rentals. I just had to wait for Mom to show up, pick out some blood covered boxes, and she took care of it. For some reason, she was much more concerned about the music I listened to than people getting slaughtered on camera. I could watch Black Sabbath. I just couldn’t listen to Black Sabbath.

But, when it came time to actually pick a flick, I somehow always avoided the Sleepaway Camp series. I can’t explain it. Maybe I was intimidated by the number of installments (there couldn’t have been that many then) or maybe I was just more intrigued by whatever was going on with those Hellraiser boxes, but for whatever reason, I put it off. I mean, I REALLY put it off.

How far off?

Last year, when I first launched this site, I teamed up with Bill of Veggie Macabre to make this video, proclaiming all this rad stuff I was going to do, including finally making my way through the entire series…for the first time ever. I don’t know how I’ve come this far and haven’t marathoned it yet, but to this day, I’ve only seen the first two, and even that was in a failed attempt to actually start this project a year ago, and then promptly abandon it.

Well, it’s summer, I’ve waited long enough, and it’s time to light this candle. This is the first of many installments in which I will spend the next month or so REVIEWING THE ENTIRE SLEEPAWAY CAMP SERIES, naturally starting with the first film.

I kind of agonized over how I was going to tackle this. What fresh angle can I apply to something that’s been discussed so many times already? I guess the only one that I know – just that I’m an adult, life-long horror fan and I’m coming to this with brand new eyes. As I watched it, I jotted down some thoughts. Ok, a lot of thoughts. Keep in mind, I knew nothing about this film other than it has a reputation and of course, the big twist. This won’t be a complete summery. We’ll just hit some highlights along the way, we’ll probably go off on a few tangents, and we may not stay in order. Let’s go.

I’m going to start where most people do, I suppose; Aunt Martha. Good lord, I love her. She’s bonkers as all hell, isn’t she? I’m not sure exactly what the thinking was in that performance, but Desiree Gould really brings something and I kind of want to check out the rest of her work now.

It’s also in this scene that we get our first glimpse of Angela. At the risk of getting into dangerous Artie-esque territory here, it’s worth noting that we can already see that Felissa Rose, who was only 13 at the time she was cast for the role, was already incredibly beautiful, and she conveyed a shy vulnerability to the role that I don’t think anyone else would have offered.

Let’s go to camp! Immediately after the arrival of Angela and her cousin Ricky, we get introduced to the aforementioned Artie, the pervy cook, and Judy, the queen bee bitch. I immediately played a game with myself called, “Who gets it first?” There’s no way either one of these folks are going to make it to the end. They may as well just split off from the group, go smoke some dope, and make out with each other in the woods.

And it’s Artie, by way of boiling water! It was a fun first kill and demonstrated a trope that we’re all used to by now; the faceless, silent killer that we only know through the occasional pair of hands, popping into frame just long enough to dispatch the next victim.

A little while later, we see some camp hijinks including a baseball game, a fight, and someone’s face going into a butt. Around this time, something kind of becomes apparent. The kids at Camp Pottymouth over here all have the mouths of sailors. I hardly have a delicate disposition and have been known to get a little colorful myself, but I don’t remember this kind of language flying around summer camp when I was a kid. Granted, I went to church camp, but still. Someone should have a word with their parents.

I soon started to notice the nuances of Felissa’s performance. I suppose an argument could be made that she got a easy gig, not having to speak a word for most of the film, but she has a way of holding herself and conveying quite a bit with just an expression all throughout. There’s something very deep and deadly going on behind those big, dark eyes.

After the second kill – some horny teenagers on a boat – Angela finally opens up to a female camp counselor. This is the first real conversation we’ve heard out of her so far. Meg, another resident, gets frustrated at Angela’s refusal to speak, freaks out on her, and shakes her. This leads to Meg getting into a spot of trouble. That bitch Judy then rails on Angela, and speaks the best line of dialogue in the entire film:

“She’s a real carpenter’s dream! Flat as a board and needs a screw!”

After a balloon fight, Angela decides to pass out some more camp justice (oh, did I spoil anything by saying it’s actually Angela doing the killing?) by beehiving the shit out of someone while he sits on the toilet.

Paul, one of the few guys to be nice to Angela, manages to get to first base with her, and then some of the other kids decide to throw her in the lake. Mel, who’s in charge of the whole camp, is convinced that the killings are the work of Angela’s cousin Ricky, and nearly beats the crap out of him. Has no one made the connection yet that every time you piss off the new girl, someone ends up dead?

And in the case of Meg, it’s by getting stabbed through the wall while taking a shower. Interesting note here: In this scene, and in all others in which we see Angela’s hands doing the killing, we’re actually seeing the hands of Jonathan Tiersten, who played Ricky. This was done for 2 reasons: 1) Because Felissa Rose’s mother forbid her actual hands be used, being only 13 and possibly impressionable, and 2) To throw off the audience. Since Tiersten played Ricky, maybe the audience would think it actually was Ricky the entire time, or anyone else.

And finally, the moment we’ve been waiting for. No, not THAT moment (hang on, we’ll get there). It’s time for whore Judy to get it. Angela walks in, decks her, covers her head with a pillow, and proceeds to do…something…to her with a curling iron. All we know is we see the silhouette of the curling iron raise, then lower. We then hear a scream as Judy throws her hands in the air. The gory details happen entirely off camera.

There has been some speculation that Judy gets curling-iron-raped, but upon first viewing a year ago, it didn’t read that way to me at all. I just thought Angela slipped it under the pillow and shoved it down her throat or something. But, after a recent second viewing to refresh myself for this post, no, Judy straight up got screwed by that curling iron, you guys.

We’re in full on kill frenzy mode now. Angela wastes no time in proceeding to take out Mel with an arrow to the neck after he beats up Ricky again.

There is a point in every slasher movie that I refer to as the “Shelley’s Dead Moment”. I named it after the scene in Friday the 13th Part 3, when Chili finds Shelley dead, at first thinking it’s another one of his stupid pranks. After realizing it wasn’t, she runs upstairs yelling, “Shelley’s dead! Shelley’s dead!” It’s at this point in the film that there is no doubt we’re in the third act. People are no longer screwing. They’re just finding the bodies.

They found Meg’s body! Well, technically, Mel found it earlier, and just…left it there? I guess? I’m not sure.

Anyway, another group finds it, and I can’t dwell on possible plot holes because I’m too distracted at this point by this cop’s astonishingly realistic mustache. The wardrobe department went all out on this one, didn’t they? Good hustle out there, fellas.

Alright, here we go. It’s been a long ride. We’ve had some ups and downs, we’ve seen a lot of over the top acting, and things got a little date rapey there for a minute, but at last we’re here. THE BIG TWIST! I wish that his hadn’t gotten blown for me years ago because I would have loved to have not seen this coming. But it was pretty unavoidable. You know what I’m talking about.

And here’s THE SHOT. The campers come upon Angela stroking the decapitated head of Paul, she stands up, and we see her in her full-on, full frontal glory (I’ll spare you the full shot. You’ve seen it). Turns out Angela’s got a peter! No, she was Peter! She’s actually been a boy this entire time, but was raised by Aunt Crazypants to be a girl named Angela! It’s one of those Crying Game deals! Spoiler!… I mean about The Crying Game… Um, sorry about that.

In case you’re curious, the “long shot” was pulled off by having a slender 18 year old guy wear a mask modeled after Felissa’s face. Simple and effective. And of course, the close up is all Felissa.

She hisses in a most creepy fashion, we fade to green, and THE END. I love it. I absolutely love it. That was some out of left-field nuttery. Such a great, unexpected take on the slasher genre.

Sleepaway Camp, written and directed by Robert Hiltzik, was released in 1983, and while it was hardly the first to break ground in the world of slashers, the last two minutes have gone down as one of the biggest twist endings in not only the world of horror, but in cinema.

Felissa Rose went on to keep up a solid career in the horror genre and is probably one of the coolest celebrities you’re likely to meet. I’ve met quite a few, and I will say not all interactions have been positive (looking a you, Danny Glover). But, the few that I have had with Felissa online have been really fantastic. She’s incredibly grateful for her fans (whom she refuses to refer to as fans, but rather friends) and is one of the friendliest and foxiest scream queens around.

I recommend this interview with her over at Killer POV, and Killer POV in general. Seriously, quit your job and just sit at home listening to every single episode. I love those guys.

But we’re not done yet, kids! Remember Judy? She came back! Sort of. Karen Fields reprised the role later in the series (we’ll get to that in another installment), and also in well… this.

This was also a thing that happened. Think that was the only time you’ll get to see Felissa reprise her role as Angela? Nope. It happened in canon… much later. We’ll get to that in due time. Next up, Angela’s back (sans Felissa) in Sleepway Camp II: Unhappy Campers. More super weird deaths to come! Come back for it!

Last week, I finally got to cross another entry off my concert Bucket List: Rob Zombie. I actually can’t believe it’s taken me this long to see him. He’s come round a couple of times in the last few years and something always got in the way, so when I heard about this one, I put it on my calendar.

But, I actually kind of drug my heels on buying a ticket. I’m nothing if not a procrastinator, but it paid off in the end. I snagged one for general admission (the concrete area directly in front of the stage) for $75 online and actually printed it off just minutes before heading out the door to drive to the show. I thought the website said it started at 7:30, so my plan was to arrive at least an hour and a half early to try and make my way up front. I’ve become spoiled in recent years when I kind of followed Nine Inch Nails all over the southeast with my friend Donna, standing pretty much right at the rail for every show.

Unfortunately, I got held up and couldn’t arrive as early as I would have liked. I was worried when I drove up at about 6:50 and saw three massive lines stretching pretty far, and one really short one, comprised of maybe 10 or 12 people. At first I assumed that must have been for VIP passes or something, so I avoided it. Then I figured, what the hell? The worst that could happen was I’d sneak into the back of it, get kicked out, and have to get to the back of one of the other massive lines. It kind of didn’t matter if that happened now or later, because getting into one of those other lines meant that I didn’t have a snowball’s chance of getting anywhere close to the stage anyway.

So, I snuck on into the back of the short one, clinging to my George Constanza-esque belief that if you just act like you belong somewhere, people will believe you. After all, it’s not a lie, if you believe it.

Guess what, it paid off.

All the lines opened at the same time, and it turns out, it didn’t matter which one you were standing in. As long as your ticket was valid, you got through, so I skipped my happy ass on down to the 2nd row, surrounded by people wearing VIP passes, which allowed them to get in a tad earlier. It also meant they paid something like $200 a ticket. Suckers.

The tickets actually said 8:00, but Zombie and the band didn’t actually hit the stage till well after 9:00. First, we had to endure quite possibly one of the worst DJ’s I’ve ever heard. I don’t want to be a snob about it, but I’ve been DJ’ing radio and clubs for over 15 years, and after three songs, I just wanted to hop on stage and show him how it was done. He came out wearing a mask and ran around the stage while “DJ’ing”. The quotations mean that he basically just hit “PLAY” a bunch of times on his laptop while we all put up with song after song of mediocre cock rock.

After getting boo’d off the stage, he finally lifted his mask a couple times, flipped off the crowd, and ran off. Turns out, he was actually Ginger Fish, Rob Zombie’s drummer (formerly of Marilyn Manson)! So, we waited the requisite setup time for the stage to get sorted. You’ve been to shows. You know how it is. As the mics were being put into place and the set decorations were being raised, I took this picture.

I love his setup and this got me totally amped for what was about to happen. John 5 (also formerly of Marilyn Manson), hit the stage first, wearing a cool gas mask. I’d include a picture, but all the ones I took came out blurry. But I did snag this one of Rob himself when he came to the mic.

They opened with “Teenage Nosferatu Pussy”, which honestly wasn’t one I was familiar with. Right away, I noticed how much fun the bassist was. He seriously played up to the crowd and you could tell how much he enjoyed it. I wish I’d taken more pics of him, but you will see a couple more later on.

They then went on to “Superbeast”, followed by “Get Up (I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine”. Yes, the James Brown song. Didn’t see that one coming. It was the first of several unexpected covers they would do that night. You’ll see Rob doing his “Sex Machine” strut here. And yes, that’s Ginger Fish in the back, doing a much better job as a drummer than a DJ.

A couple of more shots as they played a couple more songs, including “More Human Than Human”. It was during that song that THE COOLEST THING EVER HAPPENED. I didn’t get a picture of it because it was one of those moments where I could experience it as it was meant to be experienced, through you know, living, or I could be one of these idiots who experience the best moments of life through a tiny rectangle.

I mentioned earlier that I was incredibly close to the stage (obviously, from these pictures). During the song, Zombie comes down to the wooden barricade between the crowd and the stage, walks along the barricade, and gets right in the faces of the first two rows. As he made his way toward me, everyone around me was holding up their hands for him to hold. He grabbed the hands of the guy next to me, then put his face right into mine as he belted out the song. I tried to get the hand-hold, but the best I was managed to do was awkwardly grab his leg and pat him on the back as he went on by.

Still, I grabbed Rob Zombie’s leg as he screamed “More Human Than Human” into my face!

You guys, John 5 has the coolest guitars. He swapped his guitars as much as they swapped out wardrobes. It think these were taken during “Sick Bubble-Gum”

Further evidence. You can’t see it too well in this pic, but do you see that purple-ish, lit up rectangle on the guitar, right behind the strings? That was actually a screen that was playing The Haunted World of El Superbeasto. I kid you not. He held it up to the crowd and showed it off a bit as the movie played on this guitar, as Rob made his way to the NEW, AWESOME SKELETON MIC STAND, seen here:

Why a new AWESOME SKELETON MIC STAND? Because it was time for “House of 1000 Corpses”, one of my favorite tracks! I had no idea they ever played that one live. It was one of the major highlights of the show, but the best was yet to come. After this, the timeline gets a little fuzzy for me, but here are a few more pics covering the next couple of songs:

And then came the one I was waiting for. It was around this time that a massive black cloud started to form just to the left of the crowd. It really looked like a huge storm was about to open up. Rob talked to the crowd a little, mentioning that if it rained enough, they’d have to cancel the show. He then called to the crowd for requests. Of course, people yelled out a bunch of titles, and he singled out one guy who was just to the right of where I was standing. I can’t remember the song that was requested, but when he motioned to John 5 to start playing it, John 5 started playing and singing “Jessie’s Girl”. For a minute, I honestly thought they’d go all the way with it. But, Rob stopped him and said something like, “We don’t have a lot of time! Play the damn song!” And that was when I heard the opening guitar bit I’d been waiting all night to hear. The one song I would have shown up to hear, even if it was the only song they’d play that night – “Thunderkiss ’65!”

And man, did they not disappoint. They got about 3/4 of the way when John 5 and Ginger Fish stretched it out into an extended guitar solo, seen above. They finished up and that was pretty much the end of the song. Rob then took to the stage again and gave a cool little speech, talking about how much of a fan of The Ramones he was back in the day. He then said something along the lines of, “Most of you never saw The Ramones live, but if you had, it would have sounded something like this.” Then they fucking played “Blitzkrieg Bop!” And not just that. At the end, they seamlessly transitioned right back into a reprise of “Thunderkiss ’65!” It was the best way ever to present my favorite Rob Zombie track. Time to leave the stage.

Actually, no. Time for the first encore and another costume change. Rob came back out in this America themed getup, complete with star spangled top hat, and played “The Star Spangled Banner” and “We’re an American Band”, yes the Grand Funk Railroad song. Didn’t see that one coming either. They then left the stage for a second time.

Encore 2! They came back out with another costume change and played “What Lurks on Channel X” and “The Lords of Salem”. I thought for sure when they walked off after that, it was all over. Nope.

Encore 3!… “Dragula!” As it started up and the crowd cheered, Rob announced it would be the last song. After it was over, all four of them lined up at the front of the stage, took a bow, and that was that. Here is the last pic I took, as Rob walked off, saying his final goodbyes.

I only had two complaints: 1) My friend Cyndi, who I thought would be going with me, wasn’t able to make it, and 2) They didn’t play “American Witch”, which I was really looking forward to hearing. But, if you’d like the full set list, here you go:

1. Teenage Nosferatu Pussy
2. Superbeast
3. Get Up (I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine (James Brown cover)
4. Living Dead Girl
5. Dead City Radio and the New Gods of Supertown
6. Drum Solo
7. More Human than Human
8. Sick Bubble-Gum
9. House of 1000 Corpses
10. Meet the Creepr
11. Never Gonna Stop (The Red, Red Kroovy)
12. Jessie’s GIrl (Rick Springfield cover – snippet)
13. Thunder Kiss ’65
14. Guitar Solo
15. Blitzkrieg Bop (Ramones cover) (Followed by “Thunder Kiss ’65” reprise)

ENCORE:
16. The Star-Spangled Banner (John Stafford Smith cover)
17. We’re an American Band (Grand Funk Railroad cover)

ENCORE 2:
18. What Lies on Channel X?
19. The Lords of Salem

ENCORE 3:
20. Dragula

It was a seriously SOLID show. I can’t recommend seeing them enough, whether you’re a fan of horror, sci-fi, or just damn good rock and roll. Between the theatrics, the interplay with the crowd, and the tightness of their playing, these guys seriously know how to put on a performance. I’ll even forgive Ginger Fish for that Dj’ing thing.

This week, the horror world took some hits.

First, we got news that Betsy Palmer, who we all know for playing Jason Voorhees’s mother, passed away at the age of 88.

I can count on one hand how many scenes in horror films genuinely scared me as a kid, which now that I think about it, would make a great idea for a post. Excuse me while I go jot down some notes…

The first Friday the 13th film I saw all the way through was Part 3, which as a result, will always hold a special place in my heart as my favorite of the series. It actually has nothing to do with the fact that it’s the one in which Jason gets his iconic mask, but more for the creative kills and Richard Brooks’s body language and overall portrayal. Those were the days when Jason moved like a shark, and not so much like a lumbering linebacker, no disrespect to Kane Hodder intended.

It did scare the living daylights out of me though, but mostly for the scene near the end when we see him without the mask for a few seconds, clawing at the window. Jason’s de-masked scenes have always been my favorite scenes of the series.

But even though Part 3 is technically my favorite, it’s not the one that scared me the most. That honor would go to Part 2, more specifically this shot.

That shit MESSED ME UP. I had nightmares of the camera zooming in on Ms. Voorhees’s head, with her voice over on top, telling the story of what happened to Jason. And of course, at the last minute, her eyes would pop open.

I was a weird kid. I chased that high whenever I could, whether through books, film, and later on, through music. This naturally lead to a love of practical makeup effects. While other kids were outside sporting it up, I got off on scares – being scared, and more importantly, scaring others. I wanted to make monsters. Hell, I wanted to be one.

I spent a lot of time reading up on it. I had subscription to both Fangoria and Gore-Zone. I devoured every bit of industry media I could find, and it was obviously much harder back then, which is is exactly what made it special. Getting that issue of Fangoria in the mail every month was like Christmas. And it was through those pages that I discovered names like Dick Smith, Rob Bottin, Steve Johnson, Tom Savini, Stan Winston, Jo Blasco…and Rick Baker.

Baker announced his retirement from the effects world this week and it’s one of the biggest blows to the industry that we’ve seen in a long time. The eclipsing of practical effects by CGI has been happening for a while now, but seems to have exponentially increased in recent years, to the point that guys, no MASTERS OF THE CRAFT, like Rick Baker, haven’t been able to get work. Their treatment is a major black eye on the industry.

You don’t need to look any further than the debacle of 2010’s The Wolfman, in which Baker’s very competent, beautiful makeup effects (his return to werewolf cinema) were covered up by cartoonish CGI, to see the direction we’ve headed. I remember being angry just watching it in the theater.

But the biggest shame is the loss of the next generation of practical makeup effects artists. Yes, as long as there is cinema, there will always be a need for makeup, but will there be a need for the kid sitting in his basement, creating creatures by hand that look better on camera than anything Hollywood is putting out there now? We’re not just losing one of the greatest artists in cinema, were losing the craft as we know it, and all the potential it could hold. For more on this, I recommend this great piece by John Squires over at Halloween Love. I both love him for what he does over there and hate him for almost always doing it faster and a little better than I do.

So, let’s rewind a little bit. Back in the days when you could reliably make a living in monsters, I decided somewhere around the age of 14 or 15, that was exactly what I was going to do. I remember being about 12 and doing a lot of werewolf makeup for Halloween. I’d apply hair to my arms and face, and come up with ways to do “prosthetics” by using any cheap trick I could find in magazines, crafting snouts and brows out of paper mache, rubber, and spirit glue. To this day, I can remember the smell of the glue stuck to my face and arms, and how hard and painful it was to yank all that hair off.

Somewhere around 1992 or 1993, I decided to get serious and started looking into schools. Welcome to this post’s third act.

THE JOE BLASCO MAKEUP CENTER!

Jose Blasco’s ads ran quite a bit in Fangoria back then, and not having the luxury of the internet in those days, it was the only school I’d heard of or found that would suit. My logic at the time was that I would go to the Orlando location over Hollywood, purely because it was closer to home. Knowing that college was just a couple of years off, I went ahead and sent off for the information packet to see what it was all about.

Let’s dive in.

Notice that the letter mentions that you can take a tour of the location. I brought that up to my parents, but it wasn’t happening. Once a year, I’d go to Myrtle Beach with my aunt, uncle, and cousins, but that was the only vacation I was ever likely to get. Taking off to Florida to go check out a makeup school just wasn’t something either one of my parents were going to spring for. You uh…can imagine my dad’s reaction. “You want to do what now?”

I mentioned earlier that I’d messed around with bootleg effects makeup at home, but never anything along the lines of most of what’s listed here. The prospect of this got me more excited than ever. While other people were working at degrees in things like Business Administration and Mass Communications, I’d be taking classes in “Oozing Puss and Bladder Effects” and “Carnage Simulation”! CARNAGE SIMULATION! And my parents didn’t want to take me on a tour…Come on.

The packet is actually quite extensive and includes a lot of ancillary info, but I just had to include this page. Let me digress a second to comment on the charm of the production of the packet itself. Instead of slick, glossy paper with loads of fancy graphics, this thing is bare bones. It almost has a DIY aesthetic to it. All of the pages are cobbled together with black and white photocopies of behind the scenes pictures on regular, plain white paper. it reminds me of old flyers for DJ’ing gigs I used to make, using nothing more than paper, scissors, glue, and a copier.

Turns out, all you need is a a few rough materials and a lot of imagination to make something more charming and effective than a bunch of slick computer graphics could ever do. Imagine that.

Back to business. You’ll see that this page is centered around Blasco’s work on Ilsa: She Wolf of the S.S. I’m well familiar with the cult status of that one and I’ve always wanted to check it out, but I guess now’s a good a time as any to say with great shame that I never have. You better believe I’m doing something about that straight away. I’m also ashamed to say that until some quick IMDB’ing just now, I had it stuck in my head that Ilsa was played by Sybil Danning. How did I make it this far into my life knowing so little about sexy Nazi death camp wardens?

This page got me a little excited too. It’s a spread of students’ works. I always like looking at this sort of thing, whether it’s from this school or Savini’s or any other semi-pro work. At the time I sent off for this, it got me jazzed that in a few years, I might be doing the same thing.

Out of curiosity, I checked out the names of the students featured on this page on IMDB, and Matthew Mungle actually went on to some pretty big things. He worked on Schindler’s List, Inception, and a lot more professional work.

So, I guess you’re wondering what happened? Did I follow this dream and go on to be the next Rob Bottin? Sadly, no. I have worked in film quite a bit in various capacities, but near the end of high school, I traded practical effects for a more practical line of work. When it came time for college, I settled on majoring in Film and Video Production and Editing. In my long college career, I’ve worked on everything from cutting 16mm with a Flatbed Steenbeck editor to using Final Cut, as well as interning at the SC Film Office, and doing PA work on a lot of films shot here in the state. (At what point did this post turn in my resume? Sorry about that…)

As for special effects work, I spent years working in the biggest, baddest, scariest haunted house in Columbia, SC and had a blast doing it. I also did some effects work on a shoe string budget film called Head Cheerleader, Dead Cheerleader. The shining point of the entire thing was that it starred scream queen Debbie Rochon, but that was just about the only thing it had going for it. More on that some other time. Trust me, it’s its own post.

I’d love to say that I saw the writing on the wall and got out of the makeup game before it took a downturn, but the truth is I just didn’t have the balls to chase the dream. I kind of regret that now. I have had some great experiences in the industry, and as of this writing, I’m actually working on returning to school in a few months to continue my studies, but it’s for a specialty that’s far less fun and more tedious. While I will be paid to create art digitally, I’d rather be surrounded by liquid latex and animatronics.

Bottom line: Hopefully we, the fans and industry professionals alike, will learn from our recent losses. I’m happy that people my age and younger are still coming to the conventions, getting the autographs of the special effects giants that are still around, and dreaming of being just like them. I’m happy that I, myself have gotten to meet Tom Savini a couple of times and had some great conversations with him. And, I’m happy that a show like Face Off is doing so well. I just hope it’s not too little too late.

Welcome back for the third and final part of my coverage of the 2015 Mad Monster Party. At this point, you’re probably sick of looking at pictures of me with a goofy grin, posing next to b-list celebrities, but things are about to amp up in a major way. So sit back, grab some coffee, absinthe, or whatever your poison of choice is, and enjoy the home stretch.

When we left off in Part 2, we’d met all the rest of the cast of Fright Night and found something great in the restroom that let me go into a lot of cool, secret places. Ok, there is no way I can word that that doesn’t make it sound weird.

Let’s meet some more favorites. First up is Steve Railsback, who I’ve been a huge fan of for years. He’s mostly known for his performance as Charles Manson in the first adaptation of Helter Skelter. I’ll agree he did a great job with that, but for my money, out of all the guys who have played Charlie over the years, the one who totally nailed the voice and mannerisms was Jeremy Davies in 2004’s made-for-TV take on Helter Skelter.

However, when I think Steve Railsback, I instantly think of his performance in Ed Gein. We spoke at length about the role and how he got it and how when I think of the real Ed, I picture Railsback’s face before I picture the actual guy. He just is Ed Gein to me now. Super great guy too. Seriously, meet him if he comes to a con near you.

Next up was another highlight of the con and one of the major reasons why I came this year. TIm Capello! Or, as most of you know him, the oiled up saxophone guy from The Lost Boys. There are very few scenes in films I can think of where a guy just shows up, does a thing for one or two minutes, you never see him again, and it ends up being one of the most memorable parts of the movie. Capello has toured with the likes of Peter Gabriel, Carly Simon, Billy Crystal, and Tina Turner, but that scene, the one we all know and love, made his career and turned him in to a cult film hero.

Dude is cool as all hell too. I’m still kicking myself for not buying a bottle of his own brand of body oil that he was selling from his table. I did manage to snag the autographed poster above though, as well as a CD of his new single, “I Still, Still Believe”, which he also autographed on the back. More on him later.

After him, I finally got to meet Lynn Lowry, who I kept missing all day. We talked about her cameo in The Crazies remake and the fact that the only complaint I had about the con this year was the deficiency of female guests. We’ve already discussed Amanda Bearse, but I also got to meet Christine McCorkindale (“Shunna Sassi” in Nightbreed), although I didn’t get a picture. Lynn was a very nice and friendly lady, and still very attractive. We also had a great discussion about the state of the film industry and her experiences with creepy con-goers. I just hope I didn’t give her another story to tell.

I then headed into the vender room where I got to talk again with Kenny Caperton, owner of The Meyers House – North Carolina, quite possibly the coolest thing a fan has ever done to show his love of a film. I’ve met him before and we have some mutual acquaintances. He’s a great guy and you guys should seriously check out his Tumblr and film, Honeyspider.

After speaking for a bit, I walked around the corner where I spotted Danny Trejo. I don’t have a picture or interesting story, other than to say he was about to go somewhere and couldn’t be bothered to look up from his phone or say a word to me as I mentioned how big of a fan of his my dad is and how much he’d love to be there and, you know what, never mind, Danny just walked off as I was talking and ignored all of that and me completely, so fuck you, Danny Trejo.

Later that night, I met back up with my friends, including Bill of Veggie Macabre fame (one of the best kept secrets on the internet) and hung out in this hotel bar. I half expected to see Jack Torrance sitting alone, nursing a double, and wondering how to handle the woman and the boy. A man does have his responsibilities, after all…

From where this picture was taken, if I’d turned around and took a picture of the other side of the room, you’d see a stage where a Fright Night trivia contest was taking place.

Have you ever had one of those really cool moments in life where you wish you could capture it in time and relive it over and over? Minutes after this picture was taken, both William Ragsdale and Amanda Bearse walked in to hang out for the contest, and as they walked by me, I gave them both a “Hey, how’s it going?” Ragsdale then patted me on the back and said, “Heeey!”

I’m telling you kids, having the stars of one of your favorite horror movies pat you on the back while you’re in an incredibly cool bar, hanging out with some of the best friends a person could ask for…it doesn’t get much better than that.

But, things were going to get even better…

Next up, we went back to the room where the Fright Night panel took place to check out some crap opening band who’s name I can’t remember. After that was an AC/DC tribute band called AC Deceased. They were pretty great, actually.

There was also a costume contest and beauty contest, but I didn’t take too many pictures of that. The one that I did take that turned out ok was just a blurry picture of a guy in a massive Boo Berry costume. Take my word for it, it was fantastic.

All this leads up to the one thing I’ve been teasing for all three parts of my convention coverage. I’m trying to find a way to set this up, but there’s no way to without just coming out and saying it.

I SAW TIM CAPELLO PLAY “I STILL BELIEVE” LIVE.

I know this sounds corny and I don’t care. We had some really great seats and when the music started and he was standing off stage, out of sight with his sax revving up, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been that excited about a show…or anything, ever. Then, dude came out and played the hell out of that song and it was just as glorious as you would want or expect it to be. And it was long! He extended it at the end, came into the crowd, and just rocked out. The only thing that could have made it better was if I’d looked over and saw Star doing her slow clap dance.

I say this without a shred of humor or exaggeration; it was the climax of an amazing weekend and literally one of the greatest moments of my life.

The next morning, Bill and his crew had to split, but I had free reign to go back in for another day because… R.I.P. PIN, SUCKERS! Before checking out some of the panels I had in mind, I had about half an hour to kill, so I decided to go down to the hotel lobby to get some coffee. Coffee was really all I had in mind, but near the bar, they were serving a massive buffet breakfast. One of the bartenders told me they were about to close up, but since they were going to have to pack it all away soon, I could get a plate for free. Keep in mind, those were his exact words.

So I sat down to a couple of massive pieces of bacon, fruit, and juice. I looked over and across the room, sitting alone, I spotted Stephen Geoffreys. Obviously, I wasn’t going to bug him, but it was cool to know that we were sort of eating breakfast “together”.

About a minute later, a waitress came back and dropped off a check… for $17! Hey now, I thought this was free. So, I went back up to the bar and the guy I spoke to earlier was gone. I mentioned it to the female bartender there, and she didn’t seem to know what I was talking about. It was nearly time for the Doug Bradley panel to start, so I didn’t feel like arguing it. That was some damn expensive bacon.

The panel was great and he told a lot of informative anecdotes about how he first met Clive Barker, their early years working together, and particularly about shooting Hellraiser 3, which was shot in North Carolina. I was particularly interested in his detailed description of how the Pinhead makeup has evolved over the years and what it was like to apply it for each film. The Q&A was fun too and hearing him totally rip into Hellraiser: Revelations was worth the price of admission alone.

Next up was the Tobin Bell panel. That guy is intense. I didn’t meet him or get his autograph, but the panel was a lot of fun and he had some interesting stories regarding his career outside of the Saw films. He’s a very serious guy and I get the impression he stays in character during most of the shoots. I kind of regret not bringing a little handheld tape recorder and having him say something into it.

I also attended a Child’s Play panel attended by Chris Sarandon and Alex Vincent. I mentioned in Part 2 that I’d met Sarandon several times, but this was the first time I finally gotten to meet Alex Vincent. He’s a cool guy and incredibly down to earth.

After leaving the panels, it was time for my final sweep. This is both one of my favorite and least favorite parts of every con. Have we milked every bit of this that we can? How much money do we have left for one final autograph? Who haven’t we met yet? This is it. YOUR LAST SHOT to do something or see something or meet someone cool. Don’t blow it.

So, I made a final sweep of the Fright Night cast, saying my goodbyes to all of them. I stopped by Stephen Geoffreys’s table and mentioned the $17 dollar bacon to him. He got all shifty and nervous, looking around, and said, “Yeah, that’s uh…really unfortunate.” I don’t think I’ve ever had a single conversation with him that didn’t weird him out in some way. I really need to work on my relationship with Evil Ed, you guys. It’s not working out like I dreamed as a kid.

I also walked by the tables for Adam West and Burt Ward. Now it may surprise a lot of you, knowing how much of a Batman fanatic I am, that for the entire weekend, I didn’t bother to talk to them or get an autograph. But, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m actually not a massive fan of the show. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really great and everything, but as Batman fans go, it just never quite hit with me the same way it has a lot of others. Not to mention, West was charging a million hundred zillion dollars or something like that to even talk to him. This didn’t dissuade any of the diehards though. Despite him sitting there looking glum and older than water, all while making money hand over fist, he had a lengthy line, stretching all the way down the hall. Burt Ward though…poor guy didn’t have a soul.

It was then that I realized that the one I hadn’t knocked out yet that I had my eye on was Naomi Grossman, aka “Pepper” from the latest season of American Horror Story. And man, did she not disappoint.

This is the second of two pictures. After chatting for a while and me shamefully admitting that as big of a fan as I am of the first three seasons of the show, I haven’t seen the third one yet, she had her assistant take a picture of us together. The assistant framed it all weird so it was kind of looking up at us, creating all kinds of bad negative space at the top. Naomi then jokingly chastised her, asking her if she’d ever taken a fucking picture before and if she had any idea what the hell she was doing. It was seriously one of those you-had-to-be-there kind of moments, but trust me, it was hilarious.

After taking the picture, a little girl walked up also wanting one. Instead of having the assistant take care of it, she turned to me and said, “Can you do it? She has no idea what she’s doing and she’d just screw it up anyway. You said you’ve worked in film before right? Maybe you will know how to frame a shot. It’s not like she hasn’t been doing this all damn day or anything.” I died.

So, she was my last hurrah. Time to go. I took one last look around and headed out. When I initially came in on Saturday, I spotted Kit outside and made a note to make sure to take a picture at some point before leaving. I took a few and this was the best one. It was a great time. Can’t wait for next year.

Here is the last of the random pics I took all around. Enjoy and thanks for hanging in here with me for all of this. Stay tuned to this spot. I’ve got some cool stuff planned for the summer. Pinky swear with blood and guts on top.

Thanks for coming back to Part 2 of my coverage of the 2015 Mad Monster Party. When last we left off, we’d just been to the Fright Night panel. After that, I headed to the bar to meet with some friends, including BIll of Veggie Macabre!

One enormous burger and a few drinks later, and it was off for more autographs. On the way, I stopped off at the restroom and got a pleasant surprise in the stall. Something that would make my weekend MUCH better.

Ok, I’m sorry, that didn’t come out… I mean, it was just something I found and grabbed… Oh god… What I’m trying to say is, I put it in my pocket and… OH JESUS, JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURE.

You see this? This pin means you bought an R.I.P. Pass. Basically, flashing this gets you a three day pass for all three days of the con, as well as other special privileges, including getting to the front of the line for autographs. Well, I stepped into a stall to take care of some business, looked down, and there on the shelf was was this golden ticket.

Now I had to do some moral inventory. Clearly, someone, somewhere paid a hefty price to get the R.I.P. treatment. They only sell a limited number of those tickets and they usually go for around $200. I was only planning on being at the con for one day, and that cost $35 (not including pictures and autographs). So, I made a deal with myself. If someone came into the restroom specifically looking for the pin while I was there, I’d fork it over. But, if I walked out without hearing a word about it, then I was home free. Besides, whoever bought the ticket would have email proof of the ticket purchase anyway, so he could possibly just get his hands on a new pin. Well, that’s what we’re telling ourselves anyway.

I guess I don’t have to tell you how it went down. I clearly still have the pin.

WELL, LOOK WHO’S A BIG SHOT NOW! I spent the rest of the evening flashing that bad boy all over the place, hanging out in special, elite lounges and skirting to the head of a couple of long lines, which is exactly how I so easily got this.

It’s Peter Criss’s book and autograph. I’d bought the book ahead of time just in case he wasn’t selling them at his table, which was a good call, because he was sold out. I’m a moderate KISS fan. I like a lot of their older stuff, but I wouldn’t say I’m even close the level of the guy in line in front of me who came in full Criss cat makeup and costume, and talked Peter’s head off to the point that security had to kind of shoo him out.

But, I am a wannabe drummer and out of all the guys in that band, he is the one I’d go out of my way to meet. Unfortunately, I had to budget my autograph/picture money out and he was just asking way too much to have a picture taken. So, I settled for just the autographed book. I wanted to read it anyway. Two birds with one stone and all that.

I have to say, he was INCREDIBLY nice and gracious. We talked for a bit and he gave me some advice on drumming, and insisted on giving me a hug. I can’t speak from experience, but I have a feeling Gene Simmons would have probably charged $15 just for permission to speak his name.

After this, it was time to move on to meeting the rest of the Fright Night cast that I hadn’t met yet. I already knocked out Stephen Geoffreys (twice) and Chris Sarandon several years ago, but this year they were ALL there, minus Roddy McDowell of course (R.I.P.).

They each had their own table along the wall here, and I went down the line, starting with Amanda Bearse. She’s an incredibly nice lady and she talked to me for quite a while. Plus, I’ve always kind of had a thing for Vampire Amy, so this particular autograph is going to go down as one of my favorites. I had to resist the temptation to not be that guy and ask her to punch me in the arm, just so I could say “AAAAAY-meee!”

Next up, William Ragsdale! FINALLY, I met Charley Brewster! And yes, he was in fact, so cool. We talked about the film industry in general for a bit as well as his recent roll on a Criminal Minds episode. I was jazzed when I saw him turn up in that. It’s nice to know he’s still getting regular work. I also let him know that I always enjoyed Herman’s Head. I haven’t seen that in years and have no idea how well it holds up, but I’ll just hang on to my memories. Sometimes older sitcom just…well, don’t.

And now, Jonathan aka Billy! You may also know him as Jerry Dandrige’s…ahem, “roommate”. Much has been said about Fright Night‘s possible gay subtext and it was a subject that was brought up at the panel I attended earlier. As a kid, I never picked up on any of it, but I’ve never exactly been known for my horror gaydar anyway. Hell, I didn’t even think anything was weird about A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2 for years, and that was the same movie where Freddy straight up kills a guy by whipping his bare ass with a gym towel in a steamy locker room, minutes after this happened:

Anyway, gay subtext or not, I always enjoyed Jonathan’s character and told him that my cousin and I have a running joke that whenever one of us wants to make the other one laugh, we’ll turn the other guy, make a cross with our index fingers and go, “Uh, oh!”

You uh…have to the see the movie.

Also, the whole interaction with Stark and Ragsdale was doubly funny and awkward because they were nice enough to handle the picture taking for one another’s fans. I can count having Charley Brewster try to figure out my phone so he can take a picture of me with Jerry Dandrige’s ghoul as being one of the most surreal experiences of my life. We also stood side by side at the urinals in the restroom later…so that happened. Mad Monster Party restrooms, you guys. I’m telling you. Full of surprises.

I think that will do it for this installment. When we come back, we spend a lot more time with Bill, I have one final awkward interaction with Stephen Geoffreys, we meet a few more celebrities, and I tell you about quite literally (and I’m using that term properly here) one of the greatest experiences of my life. For now, more cosplay.

Well, HELLLOOO, Akasha!