Yes, it’s the middle of November and yes this is a Halloween themed post. And it won’t be the only one. It is what it is. Despite being a life long horror fanatic, I’ve somehow never seen Hocus Pocus till now, but this is the year I knocked it out. I think I came away with more questions than revelations. Check it out!

I had to take a little break for a few weeks, but I’m back in black and orange to jump into the spooky season. There are a million Michael Myers “Mask Ranking” videos out there, but throughout the entire Halloween franchise, he found other fun ways to dress up. Let’s look at the OTHER masks!

I’m admittedly not a huge “horror comedy” fan, but every now and then, one comes along that just hits. The End of Oak Street straddles the line between Spielberg-esque family adventure and straight-up shocking horror in all the best ways. I’m already calling it possibly one of my Top 3 fave releases of the year. Here’s a spoiler-free review. Go check it out while it’s still in theaters!

The leaves on the trees may be suffering in this heat with the rest of us, instead of falling to the ground where they belong, but as far as we’re concerned, the spooky season is in full swing. And with that, there are more horror releases hitting in August than you can shake a themometer at. Let’s talk about a couple of them. One is a just fine way to ease into the season and the other is a bloody slasher that offers up some nice surprises. Plus, I make a couple of other film and music recs. Dig it.

SOULM8TE, the spinoff from the M3GAN-verse, dropped last weekend. It’s mostly soulless, but still a good time. Check out the new vid to get my thoughts on how she stacks up against other “female android gone bad” movies and TV shows.

It’s alive! Or undead, at least. I’ve gone off and launched myself a YouTube channel, and to kick it off, I’m running down over 30 horror film releases of this summer. By the time you see this, most of them will have been released, but July and August are NOT MESSING AROUND and there’s still plenty to come. Let’s face it, Halloween is clawing its way to us ever closer and we need all the creature feature entertainment we can get, so let’s jump into the season now.

I’ve got a fun slate of things coming up for the channel, so give me a like, subscribe, and comment for the algo. You know how this works. Thanks!

The official halfway point to Halloween has come and gone, so as far as I’m concerned, I’m counting down now. I don’t know about you, but I can’t get online or turn on the TV anymore without yelling, “Oh, come on. THIS now!?” So let’s just take a break from the hellscape outside and hold on to some optimism that October will bring us something a little more fun. I’ll even do you one better. Let’s dip into that spirit right now. I think we could all use it.

I scored these suckers last Halloween and have had squirreled them away until now. It’s R.I.P. Candy (or Rest in Pieces of Candy if you really want to stretch it) from ZomBee. The packaging promises “CANDY BONES INSIDE TOMBSTONES.” My assumption is that they’re an updated take on one of my childhood favorites, the legendary Mr. Bones. That’s my hope anyway, and you and I are about to find out together.

In the rare event that you’re reading this and actually don’t know what Mr. Bones is, I’ve wanted an excuse to write about them for the last 20 years, so it’s a win-win for all of us. Mr. Bones arrived every Halloween season in small plastic coffins and afforded kids the chance to construct skeletons out of sugary pieces of chalk. I like to think that every coffin came with enough pieces to construct a full skeleton, but it was just as likely that your ulna to skull ratio robbed you of that. I do remember pieces frequently being broken, but who cares? Anything that allowed me to mix and match candy bones into my own undead Modulok was worth a few compound fractures. Plus, the leftover coffin made the perfect spot to stash whatever tiny things a ten-year-old needed to hide from their older siblings.

Before we pry our way into whatever secrets lie inside, I’ve given each tombstone a shake, heard their rattle, and I’m going to assume that all three contain the exact same assortment. However, how cool would it be if the corpses of Ima Ghoul, Dr. Acula, and Yule B. Next yield totally different flavored bones? I convinced myself back in the day that the different colors of Mr. Bones represented different flavors, but I wouldn’t put too much stock in everything I believed in the 6th grade. I was also convinced that Air Jordans made me jump higher.

Time for the reveal. I’m going to give it to you straight. They’re all the same on the inside. They come with a little plastic bag of these waxy little things. 17 in total. Yes, I counted, because I’m out of work, and so are you, and it’s that’s just what we do now. I’m afraid that our dreams of reliving our Mr. Bones glory days are officially dashed. But on the upside, if your Ray Peterson action figure was one accessory away from re-enacting the “femur bone” scene a whole bunch of times, you’re in so much luck.

I may not have a full skeleton on my hands, but I’m still squeezing some Halloween fun out of this. I did a thing. We’ll call him Punky. Punky the Punkin.

Oh, I almost forgot. The taste test.

Yeah, honestly, they’re just a bunch of nothing. They have the same mouth feel as an Ibuprofen, with half the flavor. But if I’m level with myself, I was never really in it for the taste. It was worth it for the rad new tombstones and the excuse to drag those candle holders out for a photo shoot. Who am I kidding? There was no dragging involved. They were already displayed in my living room, and now the tombstones are hanging out with them. Did I mention I live alone? Did I even have to? Happy Halloween!

I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t get online right now without facing an onslaught of news headlines that just make me mutter, “Oh for god’s sake, what is it NOW?”. Since we’re all having our own version of The Shining going on right now and are in need of any diversion we can find that will keep us from finally snapping and…correcting…someone, it’s the perfect time to churn out fresh content.

New blogs and podcasts are popping up everywhere, and those of us with older ones are finally dusting them off and getting something done. Of all the surges I’ve been reading about lately, that’s the only one that doesn’t fill me with dread. I’ve got a backlog of ideas for things I’ve been wanting to do around here, and since I got laid off from the day job a couple of weeks ago, it’s not like I can say I don’t have the free time now.

Here’s a little nostalgic diversion that will send us straight to our happy places. So let’s go back to the 6th grade and get in touch with our bodies.

Calm down, it’s a class project I did for my 6th grade Health class:
THE BODY BOOK!

I don’t remember if this was some sort of massive end-of-the-year final project or just a regular assignment, but for whatever reason, I used it as an excuse to GO ALL OUT. I have specific memories of getting permission to skip “gym class” (basically playing kickball in the hallway) to sit in the class room by myself and meticulously write and draw this whole mess out over the course of a week or so. What resulted is partly my take on Inner Space and partly just an excuse to work the word “anus” into my homework.

By “write out”, I mean blatantly copy some of this word-for-word from an encyclopedia. Not all of it was complete forgery, and I don’t know if my teacher (Ms. Owens) fell for my chicanery, or if she knew what was up and just let it slide (“A” for initiative and all that), but the end result was fairly impressive for a 12 year old, I guess.

Let’s hit some of the highlights.

If you look closely, you can see the page under this one that contains the original image of the skeleton that I used to trace this one. The book contains an even distribution of worksheets and original content written and drawn by myself. It will become pretty apparent as we go along which images were traced and which were done freehand.

The main thing that jumps out at me here is skeleton guy’s uneasy grin. I like to think that all the images that are to come are of the same unwitting volunteer. We’ll call him Slim Nobody. He has no idea what he’s in for.

“Chapter 2: The Digestive System” gives us a look at “The Story Of A Food Molecule” (some sort of horse pill?) and its path through said system. I know it’s been a while, but I’m not entirely confident that this is to scale, you guys. Is his stomach in his chest? Are his intestines wrapping around his heart? What the fuck is happening with you, Slim?

And here we have the real “meat” of the book, so to speak. If I remember correctly, I didn’t trace this, but rather sketched it all out by looking at some reference materials. Slim’s coming together nicely, although, again, I have questions about his innards. I only wish my liver was that big.

Making our way though the stomach and intestines,  my spelling is getting a little helter skelter, but not entirely inaccurate.

Chapter 3 lays out the nervous system, specifically the brain. I’m not sure if my Hellraiser obsession was in its beginning stages at this point, but I can’t help but think that I was subconsciously inspired by that first image of Frank’s newly formed brain when he clawed his way out of the floorboards. “Come to daddy…”

I’m not exactly sure what happened here.

This is the bit I’ve been waiting for. Slim has clearly dropped some hallucinogens, has tapped into his entire genetic and evolutionary past, and is having his own Altered States moment.

In Chapter 5, the third act twist is revealed. Slim has ovaries and gonads!! I was surprisingly progressive in 1989.

Chapter 6 introduces us to the “Exretory System”, which was evidence that I was obviously getting tired at this point. If you notice, the illustrations have also devolved from intricate tracings and labels to vague humanesque shapes. This entire thing is falling apart.

This is just something I drew after I was standing on the toilet and slipped and hit my head on the sink. I had a feeling it would come in handy in about 30 years. Something to do with time travel. Oh shit, I gotta get to work!

GET IT TOGETHER, DAVE.

And now we reach the end. Slim’s been put through his paces just in time to get some new lungs and assume his final form as a half-assed (half-chinned?) version of Kinski from Nightbreed. Science!

“But Deej, what was your GRADE?”

Thanks, Ms. Owens! Sorry about all the plagiarism!

Ok, I’m not going to lie. This Halloween season kind of got away from me. I’m in the middle of two day jobs, Dj’ing gigs, a lot of travel, and well…life. But, we all know that Halloween isn’t just one day; it’s a way of life. So here’s my rundown of Halloween Weekend 2019, which at the end of the day, is much more than just a weekend.

Last week, my cousin and I carved pumpkins as we do every year. This is the first carving in his newish house, and just so you know, all the decorations you’re about to see outside his house aren’t just for Halloween. He’s living the dream (nightmare?) all year round (as you’ll see even more later), so the house has been decked out like this for quite some time. Yeah, it runs in the family.

Here’s the pre-carve pic. For the sake of privacy, I won’t post too much from inside his house, but all you need to know is the entire house is ridiculous in the best way. This is just a tiny glimpse of one corner of the kitchen.

Here’s the finished project. I pride myself on my punkin carving skills, but this one suffered a little “happy accident”. I’d worked in a little hole for a nose and a few fangs in the middle of his mouth, but the fangs and the nose were a little too close to each other, so they all just fell out in one big chunk. The deformity actually kind of works, I think.

The cousin’s turned out really well too. I will say, in recent years, he’s stepped up his game and has come up with some creative designs.

Believe it or not, for all my living on the dark side, Halloween day itself is almost always a little uneventful for me. Just like last year, I got off work and went home to watch horror movies and wait for trick-or-treaters who never showed up. I don’t know what happened to trick-or-treating, or if it’s just the area I live in, but honestly, it’s been about 10 years since I’ve had a single one. When did the shift happen that adults are keeping the fun spirit of the holiday alive more than kids?

Speaking of that, my birthday was yesterday, so Halloween week soon turned into Birthoween Weekend. I spent it in just about the most DJ D way possible. The cousin went off and got himself a new ride and I drove him down to Bennettsville, SC to pick it up! The couple he bought it from bought a funeral home, which they’ve converted into their actual home. It’s about as fantastic as you can image, but I didn’t get the impression that they were much into Halloween or decorating. It’s a shame, because they took us on a little tour of the house, and they obviously have a lot of potential there that they’re not taking advantage of.

On the way back, he and I went our separate ways, and unfortunately he ended up blowing two tires. A night in a hotel and a visit to Firestone later, and he’s got four new ones, but the car will need quite a bit of work over time. His own little weekend adventure was considerably more expensive than mine, but he’s got his dream hearse (probably haunted) and is living in spook central, so he’s doing his part.

After making sure he was going to be ok with the car, I made my way to The Art Bar in Columbia, SC, where I DJ’d a fantastic show called ‘A Nightmare on Park Street Part 2’. We had three great bands who came in from all over the Southeast, and me spinning selections from horror soundtracks, and just general spooky tunes. I also got confirmation from a buddy of mine that I’m doing some voice over work in a huge upcoming animated project that I might discuss later.

I also recently got to collaborate with some buddies who did a much better job than me at grabbing hold of the season and turning it into content. Check out all of Will’s Halloween Hell Show posts over at the Casserole of Disaster, and you’ll see a few familiar faces, including myself and Brian from Review the World. We nearly died from hot sauce intake, as we do whenever we get together. Brian is back at posting regular content too, so stay on top of that. Can’t wait to see what he’s got coming up.

I hope you guys all made the most of the last few months. Halloween really is an entire season, and you have to milk as much out of it as you can. I got a late start and probably could have done more, but man did I pack a lot of fun into the last week. Those of us who are tuned in to that vibe all year have a responsibility to not let it fizzle out just because all of retail has let red and green overtake the orange and black. We’ll be stuffing ourselves with stuffing in like five minutes anyway. And let’s face it, isn’t dealing with family during the holidays the real horror?

Alright, everybody. Halloween is coming to get us like our name is Barbara, and I’m dangerously close to exclusively filling up the next tree weeks with…work. Not the good kind either. Boring day job stuff. But I’ll be damned if I let that happen. So, this weekend is devoted to CONTENT, CONTENT, CONTENT, and I’m starting in just about the best way possible.

I went to Days of the Dead and MET CLIVE BARKER AGAIN!

Of course, this isn’t the first time, but this time was a slightly longer meet. I had the pleasure of discussing literature a little bit with him, but didn’t want to take up too much of his time, as there were people in line behind me. I also had a nice conversation with his manager, Chris, who manages a few other horror legends. Just like last time, the room Clive was in was covered in his artwork and merchandise. Having a Barker original hanging in my place is major bucket list material for me. One day…

But I did check another one off the list that I wasn’t able to last time. The photo op! Finally, I achieved a lifelong dream of getting my photo with the man himself. I’ve mentioned this before, but Clive is essentially my idol, and the reason why I almost changed my major in college to English lit because I wanted to be an author. He’s my “who’s the one person living or dead you’d like to meet” person, and I’ve now done it twice. I tell ya, there are worse things in the world than sitting next to your idol, having him call you by name, shake your hand, and call you his friend. Yeah, it was a good day.

But, we’re not done. The other interactions didn’t disappoint either. This coverage is going to be a little different than all the previous ones, as Barker was the only photo-op I did. I had a lot of cool conversations, but you’ll just have to take my word for them, as in almost all cases, they were people who I’d met before. It’s pretty rare that I do a photo-op with someone twice, but it’s still fun to pop by a table and have a chat. Here’s the rundown:

Heather Langenkamp — We’ve met a couple of times before, and she never disappoints. She even remembered my name and the fact that I gave her a Barnes and Noble gift card that one time. We actually chatted a bit about books and what we’re both reading right now. Every interaction with her is gold, and it doesn’t hurt that one of my biggest childhood crushes knows me by name. You take the little victories where you can.

The Soska Sisters — SO GREAT! Seriously, go rob a bank right now if that’s what it takes to meet them. They’re super friendly and engaging, and give out hugs. I usually have a “Jerry Seinfeld meets Kesha” policy when it comes to hugs from strangers, but who passes that up? Also,  it was another case where they remembered me a little bit. We talked about the FANTASTIC promo they recorded for my show that one time, and I pulled it up on my phone and played it for them. They got a big kick out of it. We discussed Hellevator and their new remake of Rabid that I can’t wait to see. They’re two of my favorites.

Amelia Kinkade and Linnea Quigley — They were doing a photo op in costume as their characters from Night of the Demons. Obviously, I didn’t get that one, but I did have a nice chat with them at the hotel bar, and another one at their tables. I’d met them both before, and they’re another recommended meet, especially Linnea Quigley. It was enough to make me want to hop on top of a tombstone and do a little dance.

Tom Savini — Met him and chatted for about 30 seconds, just like the other three times I have. He’s a legend obviously, and there was a time in high school in which I was dead set on becoming a special effects artist myself. I can’t say it was a negative reaction necessarily, but I will say I got the famous “Savini cold shoulder”. Let’s just say he’s no Soska Sisters when it comes to fan interaction. Savini’s all business.

Judge Reinhold, Danielle Harris, Kristina Klebe, and Scout Taylor Compton — I had nice, brief conversations with that all of them. Reinhold’s obviously part of all of our childhoods, and I’ve met Danielle Harris before. With all of them, we spoke a little bit about the convention itself and how slow it actually was. Seriously, for everything this one had it going for it, it was oddly the deadest one I’ve ever been to. In fact, I almost didn’t speak with any of the Halloween girls because they weren’t at their tables that often. Not because they were at panels or anything, but because they were walking around. There were so few people coming up to the tables that it actually wasn’t even worth sitting there all day. This isn’t a criticism of the con itself, but rather just an observation about how odd it was. The joint was a ghost town.

In fact, there were a few that I wanted to meet that I never got to at all because they weren’t at their tables that often (Tony Todd, Traci Lords, and Clint Howard). It was just bad timing, but still kind of disappointing.

Not to end on a downer, but they put out a table for Sid Haig (R.I.P.). The bits of paper were laid out so you could write messages which would be passed on to his family. On a more positive note, 3 From Hell, which I missed the first time around in theaters, is getting another brief run through Fathom Events. Can’t wait to finally catch it next week!

Despite a few hiccups, this was obviously one of the best yet. To make up for all this being a bit text-heavy, here’s a little bit of a photo dump:

This standoff went on for quite a while, and ended with the three of them holding hands and skipping down the hall. True story.

Hey, guess what. We’re not done yet. The perfect capper to this was that later that night, the Ayrsley Theater was showing a double feature of both Hellraiser and Candyman. And cousin, you better believe I went! It’s all part of a Halloween retro horror series they’re doing right now.

Check out that lineup!

Kicking off the season by meeting your idol and finally seeing your favorite horror film on the big screen for the first time all in one day is pretty much perfect. I don’t know that I can top it, but we’ve got just a few weeks to squeeze as many spooks out of the season as we can, so don’t waste a minute of it. Buy some Oreos with witches on them…watch a cult horror movie you’ve never seen before…put spider webs on your desk at work (and keep them there all year round). Do whatever you can to capture as much fall atmosphere as possible before it all slips by and it’s (ugh) January again. Don’t waste a single second of it. LET’S GO.